My Marriage Story ! ! !

I should narrate my story to understand my pain and situation. At least I wanted to drain out my memory on this, so writing this. And as per my knowledge all are true. Few I might have missed out (But TRUTH is always BITTER) Everyone will have different view from their viewing angle. From my Opponent point of view all these might have lies. But, I know.... they know what happened actually.  I really don’t know why these all happened for me also. 

I should accept that I could have also made some mistakes. And all persons will have different thinking. I could have did something better, but past is past. Nothing can’t be changed at any time. 

God have better plan than what I planned.  All this story started with March 2016 and Ended by May 27. 

Still Story never met with END card. Happening .... Lets hope for better ending. 

About Me:

I am the only person who taking care of Sister, Handicapped Brother and two mothers. Father expired two years back. Working and managing the family.
Ultimately I could have married after my sister, but this family came up through Matrimony Site and mentioned that your sister is our daughter we can together settle her.


About the marriage proposal:

And my first contact in that family always started with MIL (Mother in Law). And I explained all the story behind me and if you ok we can proceed. She said you are open and liked that you told all. And further proceeded as Horoscope matching. I took some of my relatives and nearby home peoples and went for girl seeing.

I have asked with the Girl, how she is comfortable with me whether she like me or not. Even my relatives also taken confirmation from the girl. And elders started talking further. But no dates decided as well.

But after that MIL started forcing me as they were getting lot other profiles so we should at least arrange for function. So agreed and had a function as engagement.

After that when we talk about Marriage date, I informed MIL as needed a time to settle my sister marriage before my marriage. But she mentioned that your sister is another daughter for us. We can arrange her marriage.  And as per horoscope this marriage should happen at earliest.

Same day my Ex-Wife also got scolding by her mom as why you urging for marriage? Are you rushing for sex? My Ex-Wife cried and supporting her I talked with MIL and asked her to say sorry to your daughter, She refused to say sorry. 


About the Girl Family,

As far as I understood, it’s my view on the girl family.

MIL – she is arrogant and sensitive fighting desperately for all (small problems also). She is the power center of family. Dominant and having control over the family, never seen any human using bad words this much, so much bad words, so much lies, so badly twisting the things. 

FIL – Thought he is cool but later only found that he also part of family? Before marriage itself he mentioned as he doesn’t like me and my financial situation. Girl and girl’s mother are OK with me so he is proceeding with marriage.

I never thought when looking for marriage, need to check about the parent’s behavior and their relationships with others. (I missed out this).

Girl – I realized in beginning itself she is immature, rather she brought up in that way. I thought I can manage her. She is good in studies and working. But, when I realized that she never had much friends and always don’t had good opinion about her small friend circle as well, I worried and made a conclusion that she brought up in that way. And not had good opinion on any of their relations as well.  

Still, she was moving good with me only and told as she was tortured her mom all the time and I came to rescue her. :) :( 

Never knew she will be depend on her parents so much. She used to say she wanted to be independent on all, but she never been independent on her thinking, her words also. Everything in her life is going by the dictation of her mother. After marriage she fought with me in many instances, I feel everything was instructed to her, including the words used by her in quarrels.  

Never ready to believe any one other than her parents. Her parents fought with me and informing her that I fought with them, she was fighting with me for that. If I say this what happened, she never ready to trust. Never knew before marriage she will be so much childish/innocent, sharing everything with her mother. She is believing her mom and Dad blindly / or never ready to accept reality. 

Before the Marriage:

Meantime, I and my Ex-Wife were in love (I thought) over the weekends we were meeting together and thought we were in love. 

We were talking a lot, even my Ex-Wife mentioned to me as How you are maintaining good relationship with my mother? She won't talk with anyone good, she advised me to talk cautiously with  her mother. 

And she also mentioned that after this marriage her parents going to apply for divorce, she mentioned at least her father can be peaceful. I mentioned every family will have quarrels and fights. 

I never believed when my Ex-Wife told me about her mother. 

10 days before marriage had an argument with my MIL, I pointed out one instance as she talked differently before. She got angry and fighting a lot and asking me how can you inquire about me (when discussing with their relative I came to know that she talked different with me, actual was different). She fought lot that too with lot of bad words. I informed about that incident to my Ex-Wife, she said her mother is like that only leave aside *(But later I got accused that I have tortured her mother in this incident, I only knows how bad MIL fighted with me) . 

Even FIL (Father In Law) mentioned as I should not point out MIL at any time, need to talk very cautiously. All these time, there is always some problem between the girl and MIL. I interfered supporting girl always. In a fight, MIL informing me about girl's  old love earlier (I know the story before itself) Girl told me that how a mother is ready to ruin own daughter life like saying this. After that incident, I felt I am being treated badly by MIL. I stopped talking with her made a Whatsup DP as ""

And, about dowry.

From beginning of this proposal, I was denying to get anything as dowry (As I had a strong belief as I can earn myself for my life and getting anything as dowry is not good). But, MIL was saying to show their prestige to their relatives so at least I should accept 40grams of Gold. Even the girl asked me to take that gold. I agreed. (Later nothing was given, that’s different story).

Marriage Date and Starting of Life:

Before the marriage date itself, I don’t had a good talking with MIL. But the girl told me that she is in so much love with me and if they stop marriage also we can ran away and marry like that.  As mentioned, I haven’t participated in any marriage arrangements as I am away working in Bangalore and thought its better they can arrange everything like. I left in their hands. Yes. They arranged all and I should accept its good arrangements. And had few quarrels on the day before marriage. Girl called me in mid night before marriage and cried as she was scolded by her mom (Had a situation, and informed her that someone not treated good with my brother on reception day, later found it’s from my relative side). As I don’t have father my father brother did all rituals as a parent. (But later only heard that my uncle not even greeted or talked by girl family on the marriage day, they know each other before as well). Somehow, marriage completed and I have a girl in marriage age, they arranged to stay with girl home.

Next day to marriage, MIL talked in double meaning as I am strong like :P :( :) . Then I inquired to my Ex-Wife itself, she mentioned that her mother asked about our first night and all. I told her, how come you can talk with your mother like this. She told that her mother asked these to find whether she is happy or not. I never cared after that. When we planned for a trip outside country, Girl made a comment to her mother as she is going on flight, you never went into airport at all. MIL went out of my home and not ready to participate on 5^th day function at all. After we reached destination, I got a message saying that it’s FIL, how can you fight with MIL and I am doing something to separate the girl from her parents. (I don’t think that this message is from FIL as he never uses whatsup). In the trip, when I met with my friend over abroad just made a comment that girl father not even ready to give car. My Ex-Wife fought with me for that comment.

Starting of problems:

So all vacation got over and I dropped my Ex-Wife in Chennai hostel and back to Bangalore. She was working in Chennai and I works with Bangalore. (She was started taking transfer to Bangalore.)

We used to talk over phone and we were planning to manage our financials, my Ex-Wife mentioned to me as she can take care of home expense like rent, groceries with her salary, with my salary I will force close all my debts. One Fine evening, I got a call from my MIL. She was inquiring about my sister marriage and asked why I rejected one proposal for my sister. I told her, I need some time as I don’t have sufficient money for another marriage arrangement. She started as my FIL worried about that and said already I have loans and how I can spent money for my sister marriage. And she even said as example, if my Ex-Wife have one brother also, he won’t spent all the money for her. And she mentioned that before this marriage itself she enquired with my sister and she have money and she is working she can handle her marriage on her own expense.

Then both FIL & MIL over the speaker discussing with me. FIL asking all about my finance (Which I informed before marriage itself) had questions about my salary, my loans, my insurance and all. I was answering all diligently. And he mentioned that how I can ask my Ex-Wife salary, and I should not touch that salary. That she will save that. And explaining that you made arrangements for your daughter, same way my father should do arrangement for my sister, but he is not there so it’s my responsibility.

For my marriage, my sister arranged bridal makeup for my sister and when settling she took money from my in-laws saying she don’t have purse as she wearing saree. Mentioning this incident, FIL said that your sister not even ready to spent small amount for your marriage (Note that, it’s not for my makeup, girl makeup cost L ) Even I said, she took from you people because she was wearing saree. MIL said that so whole family came to marriage without even having money L L. I told don’t spit words and ended call. But, they informed my Ex-Wife as I was fighting with them and not ready to hear their words.

My Ex-Wife started fighting with me over phone, I rushed to Chennai to make her understand and compromise. But, she fought with me supporting her parents and I should not spent money for my family / for my sister marriage. And she instructed me to hear her parents words as they were elders and all. I even tried to explain as this is my responsibility. She never ready to agree, and I mentioned so you married me only for money? She said yes. I am making comment as I can live without even money. Money should be used for our happiness, we should earn money and spent for our happiness … etc., But, could not able to compromise I left there.

Again Problems :) :) 

So called middle man (Girls Uncle) came and made a compromise over the phone saying that girls parents wrongly intervening on my finance and they should not talk about my sister marriage and all. He mentioned that Girl is ready to come with you, take her to Bangalore initial some  days let her stay with hostel later you people can stay together in house like…, So called compromise, I never talked about past to my Ex-Wife we had a weekend outing as well and I have arranged for a family counseling. To the family counselor I was explaining the things as her parents talking in this way. Family counselor advising both saying in early stage of marriage these kind of problem may arise, as of now both should not think about their families and they should think about future and enjoy the present like. .,

She fought once we are out of the counseling center itself saying how I can talk about her parents to unknown person. Somehow managed that day. Next day, I tried to explain all my financial situation to her. She started enquired about my insurance (Which I mentioned to her father) She started as I could have taken insurance for my sister benefit, why not LIC like (My sis working in a bank, took insurance from that bank L) She started fighting desperately as I am caring my sister too much like. She fought very much different I can say (Beating on herself, as we were staying in Guest house, she locked the room and beating on herself, I could not control her) So vacated, and again in road she fighting a lot I was keep quite (Don’t wanted to make her angry by saying something) I thought she will realize in time. She fought a lot in roads and beating herself with stones etc., Accidently, I got hit and she started crying for that as she beaten me :) :( 

Finally, I tried to make her cool asked what you want. She told me that she wanted to scold my sister. (I thought I can at least manage my sister) she scolded my sister from my phone. And finally I dropped her in hostel and back to Bangalore. Meantime, she got transfer as well. I helped her to shift her luggage to Bangalore. Initially, we had a plan to move her into hostel. But, when staying in hotel we discussed and decided to take a home to avoid unnecessary shifting.

Four Days of Family LIFE :) :D 

We took a house and moved the luggage, and bought some home essentials. She cooked me dinner also. Sometimes, after a phone call she will simply fight, I am clueless why and for what? I can remember, she hasn’t fought when her father over call.

She mentioned that she needed the utensils which is given by her parents otherwise those will be used by my mom and sis. (It was two silver plates, two silver tumbler one silver vessel :D :( :) ) I arranged a driver to take few items from hometown, asked driver to come Chennai as we planned to take remaining luggage of her from Chennai). We have ordered fridge, washing machine over online. We had few conversations about future and finance.

Over these time, I never talked with her parents as well.

Once we reached Chennai I dropped her to her relative's house for refreshing and I went to my friend house. I got a call from my MIL, she was saying to me as her daughter is not happy, I should buy an AC as Bangalore is hot (Yes, it’s hot and it was May). I replied, yup I will manage.

I informed this to my Ex-Wife as her mother talked with me. Oh god, I never expected she started fighting for that saying how can you talk with my mom >>>> Again this time, different fighting strategy, she started beating me on the road, she don’t had money still she walking on the roads. I was following her saying at least, take money go wherever you wanted to go. She was fighting all over the road around three kms. Luckily one traveler on road stopped by and advised both. I arranged her relatives to take her.

Love and Life :D :)

Night got a call from MIL, she mentioned that whatever my Ex-Wife did is wrong, and she is ready to come with me to Bangalore. I told her, all problems between us is because of you peoples only. I will take her if she really wanted to come, she should talk with me not you. I got a call from my Ex-Wife, she apologized and mentioned that she fighting because of the Love she have on me L  She told me that she loves me more than anything in this world, and she got spoiled because of her parents hatred towards me L. She told me that I am not giving priority to her instead I am giving priority for my family. And she mentioned that even if I am not ready to accept her as Ex-Wife also, she is ready to stay in our Bangalore house as a third person. I tried explaining that both family (my family and her family) are ours we should not fight for chilly reasons and all.

Final DAY – 5^th day as a family;

 So we travelled back to Bangalore taking all luggage, over the travel itself she mentioned that she over reacted and we should go for hospital (for my wounds which I got from her previous day). I thought it will get solved, over the period she will realize about family.

But, Actual happened again. Once we reached Bangalore house, I was arranging all the things into home. Took out the things which came from my home L (My sister returned gifts which we brought for her from our abroad trip, as she got scolded by my Ex-Wife, even she got scolded by MIL saying because of her only lot of issues between us). My Ex-Wife got into disparate fight again started beating me a lot (I tried control her, and made her to sit down calm first by pushing her). She started running outside of home, I taken her mobile because whenever she fights she used to call her parents and informing as I am fighting (Previous day only I lost one mobile, which is broken by her). All this happening in mid night. I am running behind her and informed her mother. But my Ex-Wife talked with her mother from some person mobile on road saying I beaten her. She fought a lot throwing mangalyam on Road. She informed her mom as I beaten her, MIL called me and talked a lot (lot of bad words).

Finally, I packed every luggage of her and decided to drop her to her home.

Drove all over the night and dropped her, not talked with her parents as well. Went to her Grandparents, and explaining this is what happening.

Shocking Facts:

By her grandparents only I came to know, her parents not having any good relationship with any of their relatives. Even they won’t talk her grandparents. I was advised by her relatives as she brought up in the way, and they have always fighting in their family, so she is affected by those and all. I also agreed because of her talks before marriage (about her mom, and her parents divorce decision and all). I thought I could manage, because I married her and I had lot of love on her.

Meantime, MIL started talking with my relatives as I am torturing her daughter for dowry. I beaten her after drinking (I really, don’t know how I could drop her by driving car if I was drunk). And lot of allegations, seems my Ex-Wife only complained about me as I am not shaving, I am not flushing the toilet after use (she stayed in Bangalore house for 4 days). I used to drink daily. (I can say, I drank first day when settling house even she told me that you are tired take beer). And I forced my Ex-Wife to drink. I Smoke a lot (Of course, I was smoking more than usual and really not able to understand what’s going behind). Lot of scenes created by her mom to my relatives. My uncle talked with them to have a discussion, FIL said will have it in sometime. MIL said no we don’t wanted to have any discussion at all.

Things I took to solve and get back my life

I haven’t talked with her or her parents for some time. Meantime, I got a visa. So thought it will solve I can take her with me like. I asked her passport for processing, she mentioned that she don’t wanted to come with me as she won’t get job over there. I refrain talking with her for some time. So some days after I came to know that my Ex-Wife joined in hostel few streets away from our home. Her parents came Bangalore and settled her. After 4-5 days I asked her to visit nearby street to take her rest of the luggage.  We never talked anything. Next day she called me and asked why you are not talking at all. I said, I am going out to vacate my hostel, she ready and agreed to come with me. We went out just like that to malls and movie. Never talked anything about past. When day ends, she asked me why not talking anything.

Then I was trying to explain everything, these are the things going on. I was never been treated good by her parents. She also agreed and apologized for her behavior and mentioned that she don’t know why she is behaved in that way. And she mentioned that I should forget what her parents talked. And she mentioned that now time is not good, she will come with me after Feb 2017 (All happening April 2015, Married on Mar 2015 ). I explaining that, horoscope we can see together etc.,) first she agreed as we can go to astrologer, and I told her that I am ready to tie back the mangalyam but I need a discussion with everyone including all relatives. As same can’t be repeated all the time. She mentioned that her dad not ready for discussion. I said ok its fine. Will see.

She used to talk good on that day, again when her parents visited her on weekends. Monday she said as I am always accusing her parents, they haven’t done anything wrong. And she refused to meet me saying she got afraid to meet. So again Thursday she messaged me as she wanted to live with me she don’t want to lose the life and love. I took her to our home and asked what you really wanted me to do, Is anything I wanted to change myself. She mentioned that I should stop smoking. I told her, I need time by now if I am not smoking I could have died with all these tensions. She kept quiet, even I mentioned to her you should control your angry.

Again, she will visit home Monday Tuesday she will fight with me over whatsup as I should come and talk with her parents like. Whenever she visits home, she was forcing me to come with her. I refused as I won’t enter that house as I am not getting respect at all. Again she started fighting as I am not deserved to get her kind of Ex-Wife (Educated, working etc.,) I mentioned if you have so much thinking, I don’t want you at all.

Sometime, she fought as I am expecting money from her parents, I try to accomplish my sister by that money. I got angry and told her, you don’t want to come to me at all. And made few comments over FB (as law gender discrimination). One of her friend called me up and asking whats going on why MIL looking for her no and other person no (That’s different story, in my Ex-Wife college time some love story). I told her all the story and mentioned why you are into picture don’t know. And mentioned that I asked my Ex-Wife to not to talk with your Ex-Lover (as that was different story not necessary over here). My Ex-Wife forcing and asking why it is so? (So I mentioned the reason behind that to her, recently came to know that this become actual reason for my Ex-Wife to get divorce).

After some quite time, my Ex-Wife came to our home. I only (It’s me !!!) mentioned as your friend called me up. When my Ex-Wife asked her friend what you people discussed, she mentioned everything. And my Ex-Wife got a reason to fight.

All these time, I was writing mails to my Ex-Wife (I could not able to point her and her parents as well) Wrote all mails with caution and tried to make her understand about life. But, later only came to know that all the mails she forwarded to her mom. Don’t know whether she read those or not.

I never ready to lose my dignity to talk with her parents may be this time I can talk with them but whole life time I will lose my dignity and don’t wanted to become slave, but seems she got forced to bring myself to her home. So she used to fight a lot over whatsup (bad words as well). I took the matter to her relatives saying all these are happened, ask them to come for a discussion. (Before also accidently, talked with one of her aunty. She advised me to adjust her. She affected by their parents fighting behavior).

All my actions made them angrier. They were never ready to for a discussion. Meantime, my Ex-Wife started as she wanted a divorce. I mentioned to her relatives, if her parents not coming also, ask her what’s the problem why she needed divorce. Incase if she wanted divorce also I am ready for that, but ask them to stop accusing me (What dowry I demanded? What money I requested etc.,) her relatives stated that girl itself asking for divorce so you could have done something.

Final Hit I got

So, finally I went back to MIL (without no other option) saying divorce decision might not be by my Ex-Wife. Seems you forcing her for divorce. She mentioned that she don’t think about divorce at all. I mentioned it might not be decided by her because she came to our Bangalore house two weeks back also. MIL refused and said my Ex-Wife met me only over public places. She never visited home. Then I mentioned she came we had sex and all (Same word I mentioned to her aunty as well, saying she came to me after all fight also and said she wanted to live with me). And she might have informed her daughter as I talked in this way. Finally, I got named as impotent. I have seen the real face of MIL (even low people won’t talk that much bad words, she talked in such a manner). And my Ex-Wife sent mail to me showing Wikipedia image (about ED).  That was worst hit I got in my life (Yes, it happened once my Ex-Wife came to my home in bangalore after she joined bangalore hostel. I could not able to make sex with her when she said her leg is paining , think I sentimentally weak towards her and become unable  even that time she made a fun of me you can’t able to do this also, I told her I will get trained before you come back to me on Feb 2017)).

And all the time I got threatened as dowry harassment case, police, etc., In final stages I got threatened as they can file a case as I cheated them as I know about my impotency before my marriage. Even my mom and sister got threatened as dowry harassment case.

I never wanted to prove myself towards them. But I mentally got hit this time and undergone medical tests. I thought not to share those with them. But when I got continuous calls from MIL I shared with my Ex-Wife through mail. For that also they said its forgery document, we have medical reports for our daughter as she is still virgin. :P L

Again they fought as I am not ready for divorce. I clearly mentioned many times to them I never ready to live this kind of life. Without knowing I fall down into drainage. And now divorce case going on.

Final Words,

I know, my In-laws tried to take myself into their control on all aspects.

But, few really don’t know why they did this much.

What they really wanted me to be? To be a same kind of family without any relationship? As a third person now only I can able to realize how others thinking about that family? Even what opinion their relatives have them also, I know becoz I interacted with them as well? Why and what they  tried to achieve all the time?

It’s her fate to be unhappy all the times. She never been in her own mind. MIL twisted all the things and made her to hate me. (Now I feel that’s for my good, at least I need save myself, Even the incident MIL fought with me before marriage she twisted as I tortured her L My Ex-Wife sent complaints she have on me, As I am egoistic person, Psycho and I am not mentally well. ) She never ready to realize the reality. Before marriage when her mom said about her love to me she said my own mom is trying to destroy my life. But she never realized that now her own life got destroyed??? I feel all the times she taught to fight with me in these way (Becoz I know about her before marriage itself, she don’t know few words which she used in fights are taught by MIL?) / Or I judged that girl in wrong way? Of course I should agree, after all she is also from the same family. Why she is so much immature? This much arrogant and filthy will it help her in anyway? Is she never realized that she is doing too much? Hurting other person too much? So those words and talks about love and all acting? Before marriage MIL mentioned as due to my Ex-Wife behavior only the whole family is maintaining distance from all the relatives. But, I can say who will be the actual reason behind that.  Is she is immature or arrogant ? 

I was framed complaints as I twisted everything and told to their relatives? I am not good at twisting the words. (I know how much my MIL twisted the things, money she gave me for the washing machine what I purchased for their home, but she mentioned to everyone as she given money for our abroad spending, I can say lot of examples like this.) 

There is one more character in this story all the time FIL (I don’t know what he was doing all the time, but one is for sure even he don’t have any power in hand and he is also responsible for some instances). If I have some place in seashore I would like to keep a statue for him J J

Anyway, ALL IS GOOD for me. I am not deserved to get that Girl. J I wanted only happiness in life. If I am rich or poor I need to be smiled all the time. Without having much mental pressure.

At last I am trying to get out of the drainage which I fallen few months back.

Lessons Learnt,

Never judge the people by their talking (Before marriage I know how they behaved with me).

Never believe their words. I still feel it’s a power struggle. When my Ex-Wife moved close with me, 

MIL started the game (Who had control all the time?)

And once you face difficult situation with anyone, don’t think to make them right. They will never ready to change themselves.

Never move close with peoples who think money is the important.

Never talk truth with everyone, depends on the people you should talk less. Talking openly will get you into trouble.

Never pour love more than they deserve (Finally, you only going to get affected)

Be aware of people. When people never ready to believe will never good for any relationship.

Don’t talk openly with anyone unless until they are in your safe zone circle.

Reacting through social media made more issues.

Don’t feel pity for others when you are affected by them.

Enquire about peoples before getting into serious relationships.

All the time it’s better to be bold and be on your own. Never leave the loyalty and your actual character.

Mistakes I made,

Never enquired about the family before marriage

When I get mistreated before marriage itself I could have get escaped (I was worried about the girl, and thought I should not disappoint her).

I haven’t shown my love to my Ex-Wife? (I feel I haven’t shown my love to her like appreciating her? But, it’s really difficult to satisfy her when she is not on her own mind. When they always try to dominate)

When I get problems, I talked with their relatives? (But don’t know who are actually supporting actually making fun of the happenings)

Talking with her friend? (But, her friend got disturbed by MIL and talked with me, still I could have not talked with her without knowing about her).

After getting this much problem still have some soft corner towards my Ex-Wife ??? (Is it called Love ?)