My Marriage Story -- Part 8

Final Words,

I know, my In-laws tried to take myself into their control on all aspects. I got lot of hits from MIL.

But, few really don’t know why they did this much.

What they really wanted me to be? To be a same kind of family without any relationship?

As a third person I can able to realize how others thinking about that family? Even what opinion their relatives have them also, I know becoz I interacted with them as well? Why and what they tried to achieve all the time?

It’s her fate to be unhappy all the times. She never had been in her own mind. MIL twisted all the things and made her to hate me. (Now I feel that’s for my good, at least I need to get save myself, Even the incident MIL fought with me before marriage she twisted as I tortured her L My Wife sent complaints she have on me, As I am egoistic person, Psycho and I am not mentally well. ) She never ready to realize the reality. Before marriage when her mom said about her love to me she said my own mom is trying to destroy my life. But she never realized that now her own life got destroyed??? I feel all the times she taught to fight with me in these way (Becoz I know about her before marriage itself, she don’t know few words which she used in fights are taught by MIL?) / Or I judged that girl in wrong way? Of course I should agree, after all she is also from the same family. Why she is so much immature? This much arrogant and filthy will it help her in anyway? Is she never realized that she is doing too much? Hurting other person too much? So those words and talks about love and all acting? Before marriage MIL mentioned as due to my Wife behaviour only the whole family is maintaining distance from all the relatives. But, I can say who will be the actual reason behind that.  Is she is immature or arrogant? 

I was framed complaints as I twisted everything and told to their relatives? I am not good at twisting the words. (I know how much my MIL twisted the things, money she gave me for the washing machine what I purchased for their home, but she mentioned to everyone as she given money for our abroad spending, I can say lot of examples like this.) 

There is one more character in this story all the time FIL. Yes, he also fought with me in court premises. I said to judge as I thought to live with her but not anymore, when Girl said we are fighting all the time, rescue like. FIL and the Girl fighting in the court, as why I said to Judge as I thought to live.

Anyway, ALL IS GOOD for me. I am not deserved to get that Girl. Everyone wanted only happiness in life. If I am rich or poor I need to be smiled all the time. Without having much mental pressure.

At last I am trying to get out of the drainage which I fallen few months back.

Lessons Learnt,

·         Never judge the people by their talking (Before marriage I know how they behaved with me).

·         Never believe their words. I still feel it’s a power struggle. When my Wife moved close with me, 

·         MIL started the game (Who had control all the time?)

·         And once you face difficult situation with anyone, don’t think to make them right. They will never ready to change themselves.

·         Never move close with peoples who think money is the important.

·         Never talk truth with everyone, depends on the people you should talk less. Talking openly will get you into trouble.

·         Never pour love more than they deserve (Finally, you only going to get affected)

·         Be aware of people. When people never ready to believe will never good for any relationship.

·         Don’t talk openly with anyone unless until they are in your safe zone circle.

·         Reacting through social media made more issues.

·         Don’t feel pity for others when you are affected by them.

·         Enquire about peoples before getting into serious relationships.

·         All the time it’s better to be bold and be on your own. Never leave the loyalty and your actual character.

Mistakes I made,

·         Never enquired about the family before marriage

·         When I get mistreated before marriage itself I could have get escaped (I was worried about the girl, and thought I should not disappoint her).

·         I haven’t shown my love to my Wife? (I feel I haven’t shown my love to her like appreciating her? But, it’s really difficult to satisfy her when she is not on her own mind. When they always try to dominate)

·         When I get problems, I talked with their relatives? (But don’t know who are actually supporting actually making fun of the happenings)

·         Talking with her friend? (But, her friend got disturbed by MIL and talked with me, still I could have not talked with her without knowing about her).

·         After getting this much problem still have some soft corner towards my Wife ??? (Is it called Love ?)

My Marriage Story -- Part 7

Things I took to solve and get back my life

All these time, I was writing mails to my Wife about the things going on as Take Care Series (Take Care 1 – Take Care 11 Mails) (I could not able to point her and her parents as well) Wrote all mails with caution and tried to make her understand about life. But, later only came to know that all the mails she forwarded to her mom. Don’t know whether she read those or not.

I never ready to lose my dignity to talk with her parents may be this time I can talk with them but whole life time I will lose my dignity and don’t wanted to become slave, but seems she got forced to bring myself to her home. So she used to fight a lot over whatsup (bad words as well). I took the matter to her relatives saying all these are happened, ask them to come for a discussion. (Before also accidently, talked with one of her aunty. She advised me to adjust her. She affected by their parents fighting behavior).

All my actions made them angrier. They were never ready to for a discussion, When I went to her relatives made them more angrier.

Meantime, my Wife started as she wanted a divorce. I mentioned to her relatives, if her parents not coming also, ask her what’s the problem why she needed divorce. Incase if she wanted divorce also I am ready for that, but ask them to stop accusing me (What dowry I demanded? What money I requested etc.,) her relatives stated that girl itself asking for divorce so you could have done something.

Final Hit I got

So, finally I went back to MIL (without no other option) saying divorce decision might not be by my Wife. Seems you forcing her for divorce. She mentioned that she don’t think about divorce at all. I mentioned it might not be decided by her because she came to our Bangalore house two weeks back also. MIL refused and said my Wife met me only over public places. She never visited home. Then I mentioned she came we had sex (Its wrong word I used when talking with elders, that to her mom behaviour I know already) and all and she might have informed her daughter as I talked in this way.

Finally, I got named as impotent. I have seen the real face of MIL (even low people won’t talk that much bad words, she talked in such a manner). And my Wife sent mail to me showing Wikipedia image (about ED), She was so much dictating her mom words (That mail which she sent is forwarded  which is sent by her mom to my Wife).

That was worst hit I got in my life (Yes, it happened once when my Wife came to my home in bangalore. I could not able to make sex with her when she said her leg is paining , think I sentimentally weak towards her and become unable  even that time she made a fun of me you can’t able to do this also, I told her I will get trained before you come back to me on Feb 2017, and all over the time I am mentally stressed as well)).

MIL started calling me and using lot of vulgar words, and she started challenging me to get medical report (I never wanted to prove myself towards them. But I mentally got hit this time and undergone medical tests. I thought not to share those with them. But when I got continuous calls from MIL I shared with my Wife through mail. For that also they said its forgery document, we have medical reports for our daughter as she is still virgin. :P L)

And all the time I got threatened as dowry harassment case, police, etc., In final stages I got threatened as they can file a case as I cheated them as I know about my impotency before my marriage. Even my mom and sister got threatened as dowry harassment case.

Again they fought as I am not ready for divorce. I clearly mentioned many times to them I never ready to live this kind of life., I always ready for divorce. And now divorce case going on.

My Marriage Story - Part 6

Her Hostel days and her fighting’s further.

I informed her at least asks her father to talk with me. She said will inform. Next day, she messaged as her father never ready to talk with me and I should come and talk with her parents. I said, ok will do in sometime.

But, She started fighting same day evening as her parents are not done anything I am simply accusing them. (I can able to judge, she talked with her mom and she got brain washed). Same day, I asked her to come out the hostel for dinner. She started saying she is afraid of seeing me as I am accusing her parents. I tried a lot to talk with her.

Then after two days, we met in a restaurant. She started as my sister having 7 Lacs as savings, let her do her marriage with her money. I have tried to explain her, how that’s possible? My sister working for last 2+ years, she stayed in hostel, and she was repaying her educational loans. (Even her whole salary also won’t exceed 7 lacs.). My Wife doesn’t say anything. She said, as her parents won’t get pension and she wanted to save her salary. (Same girl previously was planning as house rent and groceries with her salary and with my salary I will force close my loans.*Later only came to know that, she was advised by her parents as with her salary if we spent, my salary I will use for my sister marriage). And she said, her parents seen horoscope and she will not come to my home until 2017 Feb. I asked whether you went, we can go to any astrologer and see who will say that until 2017 Feb. She said OK we can go on weekend. But, next day she messaging as she don’t wanted to see astrologer as her parents already seen. (I can judge, her parents are not ready to have a discussion).

I left there itself, and said ok will see. Meantime, I got some visa processing in my office and told her as we need to travel by October. She said, if we go onsite, I will work she can’t earn anything. She wanted to earn money. (Same girl before marriage mentioned to me as she wanted to leave job and take care of me, I told her it’s her wish moreover if she stay in home it be bored). I can understand, she is getting instructed in every matter.

Then one fine day, she messaged as she wanted to live with me and I should change. I went to home from office and we met in our own home. (After a month, she came home). I told her, she should control her anger. She also agreed and I asked what I wanted to change. She told that I should stop smoking. I said, yes. But now you people giving me a lot of mental pressure. I will stop.   

Again next day, she messaged as she is going home and she wanted me also with her to her meet her parents. I told her, I am not ready to meet her parents as I am not getting any respect. மதியதோர் வாசல் மிதியாதே. And, as of now she is not wearing even Mangalyam, once she tie tali I am ready to meet her parents as son-in-law. So, ask them to come for discussion.

Once she is back from home, she messaged as I won’t get educated, working girl like her. I told her, if you think in that way. You never wanted to come to my life. Then next day, she started fighting as I am expecting money from her parents to accomplish my sister marriage, that’s why I am not ready to meet her parents and wanted a discussion. (I can understand all her words are instructed by her mom). She mentioned as I am looking for dowry. I really got pissed off with her words and made comments into FB about Dowry Harassment Case Section 497 falsely used by many peoples(as law gender discrimination). One of her friend called me up previously and asking whats going on why MIL looking for her no and other person no (That’s different story, in my Wife college time some love story). I told her all the story and mentioned why you are into picture don’t know. And mentioned that I asked my Wife to not to talk with your Ex-Lover (as that was different story not necessary over here). Her friend forced and asking why it is so? (So I mentioned the reason behind that to her, recently came to know that this matter, her friend discussed with my Wife and made her angry more. I accept I really made a mistake over here.). And messaging her friend in FB out of frustration and told that her parents was talking all like this, now she also started saying this.

I messaged my Wife asking for my cloths and my things which is in her home; I don’t want those urgently like passport. (Yes, Of course I pointed out her).

Later, again she wanted to meet me and we met in our home and she said she talked wrongly as dowry and all. When she is home, she wanted to cook. I told we can go to restaurant. In restaurant I told her that one of her friend called me and talked with over phone. And told I talked with her on Facebook. She asked her friend over whatsup same time as what we discussed. Her friend given my message about dowry harassment case with screen shots. She started fighting in restaurant. I tried to explain her. She started threatening me as she is going to call her mother. I left her. Then next week she messaged as whether I am Man? Why I am not discussing with her parents. I simply replied with same her message as whether her father is a man? (I intentionally did, all the time when she talks bad words, I thought to pointed her how it will hurt, she started calling me continuously and scolding with lot of bad words.) My mother is second wife to my father. She said Vaipatti paiyan unakke evlo thimiru na? Enga appa en unkita pesanumnu.

Then week later, I talked with her uncle and we were group of peoples(My mom and nearby home peoples, those are the people was there with me from the beginning of this proposal and marriage) went to meet her Uncle.

Her uncle talked in the way as she wanted divorce. Elder people who came with me saying as their parents intervening in our life a lot. Her uncle started as I beaten her and tried to lock her in room. I told them whether I am supposed to let her run in the mid-night. Then lot of discussion and her uncle started saying if she is looking for divorce what we can do. Everyone who came with me, asked to bring her parents for discussion. I told at least bring her we can check why she wanted divorce. Her uncle said, her parents not ready for discussion, she wanted divorce why can’t I give divorce to her.  I told right I am ready to give divorce at least make her mom to stop talking with my relatives as I am looking for dowry (all the time, some or other day her mom talking with my relatives saying I am torturing her for dowry). At least ask her mom, what Dowry I was asking for and when? I really forgot.

Humanity

Real Humanity:

Yes, seen a real humanity. 

Due to doctor appointment I was travelling to Chennai from Bangalore. All knows due to ongoing bangalore issues. No straight bus to bangalore. Took the bus to Attible (Karnataka Border), and crossed the border by walk. Lot of police in border both sides. 

It's really like entering into another country.  I have seen these kind of border crossing by walk in Indo-Nepal Border. So somehow, reached bangalore next day and walking from Nandanam Arts College to R.A. Puram (about 2 Kms, as no straight bus). 

Stopped into one Sugar Cane Juice shop, the shopkeeper was preparing juice in the machine. 

Suddenly heard a sound. When looking back, a middle aged man, fallen into road from Bike. But, his bad luck he fallen into road after hitting road divider. He really got hit in his head by divider and started bleeding. He got fits as well. All over his body is shaking. He was riding KA Scooter. 

So, people started gathering and helping him with Steel to stop his fits and one person teared his Dhoti to cover his bleeding wound. 

Sugar cane shop keeper stopped the squeezing machine, and started praying GOD.  He completely praying god for accident person.

Meantime, police from near by signal rushed and informed ambulance. At least his fits stopped, only bleeding from his head. Finally, ambulance reached spot he taken into hospital.

All over this incident, I have really seen humanity with almost everyone.

I could remember one incident, two years back when I was sitting behind my friend. One old man crossed road without looking road. My friend tried to stop the bike. But finally fallen into road. I got bleeding in forehead. No one in the road came near by. I was simply walking into road looking for hospital with bleeding all over the shirt. 

My Marriage Story -- Part 5

Final DAY – 5^th day as a family;

So we travelled back to Bangalore taking all luggage’s, over the travel itself she mentioned that she over reacted and wanted to take me into hospital (for my wounds which I got from her previous day). I thought it will get solved, over the period she will realize about family.

But, Actual happened again. Once we reached Bangalore house, I was arranging all the things into home. Took out the things which came from my home (My sister returned gifts which we brought for her from our abroad trip, as she got scolded by my Wife, even she got scolded by MIL saying because of her only lot of issues between us and she ruining her daughter life like.). My Wife got into disparate fight again started beating me a lot (I tried to control her, and made her to sit down calm first by pushing her *For this I got from her mother as I beaten her, even she also said as I beaten her). She started running outside of home; It was two story building she rolling off in stairs and start running into streets. I taken her mobile because whenever she fights she used to call her parents and informing as I am fighting (Previous day only I lost one mobile, which is broken by her). All this happening in mid night. And my friend who drove the car from hometown to all over to Bangalore also with me. I am running behind her without even wearing shirt and asked my friend to bring shirt and informed her mother. She mentioned that she is taking some medicines due to that it’s happening. But my Wife talked with her mother from some person mobile on road saying I beaten her. She fought a lot throwing mangalyam on Road, somehow I taken her back to home and tried to lock her in room. She started screaming as HELP. Meantime MIL called me and talked a lot (lot of bad words, and she complained to Police and police on the way like).

Finally, packed every luggage of her and decided to drop her to her parents’ home.

Drove all over the night and dropped her, not talked with her parents as well. Went to her Grandparents, and explaining this is what happening.

Shocking Facts:

By her grandparents only I came to know, her parents not having any good relationship with any of their relatives. Even they won’t talk to her grandparents for last 10+ yrs. I was advised by her relatives as she brought up in the way all the time her parents fights each other which affected her. I also know this because she even mentioned about this before marriage (about her mom, and her parents’ divorce decision and all). I thought I could manage, because I married her and I had lot of love on her.

Meantime, MIL started talking with my relatives as I am torturing her daughter for dowry. I beaten her after drinking (I really, don’t know how I could drop her by driving car if I was drunk). And lot of allegations, seems my Wife only complained about me as I am not shaving, I am not flushing the toilet after use (she stayed in Bangalore house for 4 days only). I used to drink daily. (I can say, I drank first day when settling house even she told me that you are tired take beer).  And I forced my Wife to drink.(Howz that is she is kid I tied her and poured beer ?)  I Smoke a lot (Of course, I was smoking more than usual and really not able to understand what’s going behind, *Later only found all are instructed by her mother all the time, she was in lot of stress as she is in struggle between me and her parents as well). Lot of scenes created by her mom to my relatives. My uncle talked with them to have a discussion, FIL said will have it in sometime. MIL said no we don’t want to have any discussion at all.

Her Hostel days and her fighting’s further.

I got a message as I wanted to return her passport and other things to courier. I did couriered her passport. I got a message from her as thanks for the passport. I never talked with her or her parents all over the time. Once I tried to call her father, my Wife took the phone and said he is not going to talk with me and they are on the way to temple to pray for us. Later I got message from her mom as she wanted to talk, I told I am not ready to talk with her. I wanted to talk with my Wife’s father. She told, they plan to join my Wife to Hostel, that time I can meet him on Bangalore.

Some weekend, I fallen into road when it’s raining from bike. Went to hospital and get stitching. My mom and nearby home people started saying as my wife should tie tali. I messaged her saying I fallen and into hospital and asked her to tie at least tali with turmeric. She never replied for 1 day and then she replied as she wanted to get tied by me.

But, they joined her into hostel few streets away from where we took house. I even not aware of that. After 2 days I came to know that she is in Bangalore. As her mother called me and I never wanted to talk. I messaged my Wife as well, I never wanted to talk with your mom, ask to stop calling me.

She never ready to talk with me after she reached Bangalore. One Saturday, I messaged her to take her remaining things(specs, makeup items etc.,). She came nearby home and I returned her things (We haven’t talked even single word). Next day she messaged as why I am not talking with her. I told, OK will go out for day. She came out to bus stop, we took bus simply and roaming in bus and not talked anything about old things. We went to one of my sister (My Chithappa daughter) hostel. We three people roaming in mall and went to movie. Later in evening, When she leaving, she asked why you not talking anything about issues. I told her, all the issues including spending money for my sister marriage, her mom as dowry matter and told her they are not even giving me single respect. She apologised for her behaviour and told she don’t even know why she behaved in such way. And she agreed that her parents are not treating me good. And she mentioned if it was her she will forgot everything and talks like. (But, she never talked with my mom any time after we left home after marriage for around 2 months, even her parents. She was mentioning as old people they will talk later like).

I said, I am ready to talk but before that we should have a discussion with everyone including her relatives and my relatives as I don’t wanted this to repeat again. Because I know all the time she is fighting because of her mother. And fighting by her father words in money matters.

My Marriage Story -- Part 4

Again Problems :) :) 

I even mailed to my Wife mentioned I never fought with her parents, this what happened as whole conversations. She never believed as her mother mentioned as I fought with them over the phone and they can get the recordings by using CB-CID police.:) MIL told me also as they got phone recordings of the conversations about my sister marriage, I told her yes you can sent it to your daughter let her hear those things.

Here, I may include one more story. When my marriage nearing, I asked for loan from my sister for 1 lakh and told her to I can return when I get my bonus. I anticipated in a month. She told me that she don’t have that much money. I left it. But ugly thing she did was asked for money to my In-laws (three days before marriage) as I needed money. Before marriage, MIL even mentioned to me as she have money if needed I can get from her. Even Wife mentioned if needed I can get money from her mom and return it back. Like the same MIL said to my sister also, so she asked casually. MIL mentioned to my sister as she don’t have it right now. Later when I had a telephonic conversation about my sister marriage this thing came up as my sister asked for money. I mentioned it should not happen, it happened without my knowledge.

So called middle man (Girls Uncle) came and made a compromise over the phone saying that girls parents wrongly intervening on my finance and they should not talk about my sister marriage and all.

He mentioned that Girl is ready to come with me, and he told me to take her with me to to Bangalore initial some days let her stay with hostel later you people can stay together in house like…, So called compromise.

Later, when three days continuous holiday myself and my wife planned for some outing kind of. Yes, she bunked office and we went to Pondy by bike. When I was talking about outing plan with her sister (her big mom’s daughter) she also wanted to join with us. I told this to my Wife, she mentioned we are going out like our second honeymoon and we had lot of problems earlier so we should go with privacy.

I had booked for Resort in her name. When we travelled half the way we came to know that she missed her wallet. I told her it’s not a matter we can check with the hotel and will plan with some other arrangements. She mentioned you are sweet, if it was her dad she will get lot of scolding for this.

All these time, I never talked about past incidents to my Wife. MIL said to my mom as I am mentally not well, I told about this to my Wife and she also said yes we should go for hospital to have a counselling for that. (Yes, MIL and my wife said mentally I am not well) I have arranged for a family counselling through my office, I told my wife as counselling for myself.

To the family counsellor I was explaining the things as her parents talking in this way, and she is fighting with me like.

Family counsellor advising both saying in early stage of marriage these kind of problem may arise, as of now both should not think about their families and we should think about future and enjoy the present like. ., lot of advises about money, family.

But, she fought once we are out of the counselling centre itself saying how I can talk about her parents to unknown person. She was fighting so rigorously in road. Somehow managed that day. 

Next day, I tried to explain my entire financial situation to her with my Expense Sheet (Yes monthly budget plan with all my financials, Loans, Expenses, Credit Cards, Share markets).

I was explaining everything by logging into the bank sites. She even said I should explain all this to her father like how I explaining. When I started showing about my insurance. She started enquired about my term insurance, which I was about to explain next to Savings insurance. She started fighting as I could have taken insurance for my sister benefit, why not LIC like ., She started fighting desperately as I am caring my sister too much like. She fought very much different that day (Beating on herself, as we were staying in Guest house, she locked the room and beating on herself with hangers, I could not control her).

Finally vacated, and again in road she fighting a lot I was keep quite (Don’t wanted to make her angry by saying something) I thought she will realize in time. She fought a lot in roads and beating herself with stones, wood sticks etc.,

Accidently, I got hit and she started crying for that as she beaten me :) :( 

Finally, I tried to make her cool asked what she really want. She told me that she wanted to scold my sister. (I thought I can at least manage my sister later) she scolded my sister from my phone. And finally I left her with her sister and back to Bangalore.

I was not talking with her as well, simply hi hello like alone. Meantime, she got transfer as well. I helped her to shift her luggage to Bangalore. Initially, we had a plan to move her into hostel.

From Chennai we took her luggage and reached Bangalore and stayed in a hotel. When staying in hotel we discussed and decided to take a home to avoid unnecessary shifting later. We have seen few houses, she liked one house but it’s far from bus stop I mentioned you need to go office by bus so we need something nearby bus stop. Luckily, we got one house nearby the hotel we stayed. Discussed with house owner and shifted to new house. I have arranged for Advance from my sister and not mentioned to my Wife as I got from my sister and informed as I took from my mother. So new house, we went for shopping and bought some cooking materials and yes we boiled milk(One of my other sister came for that day as she came to attend interview).

Four Days of Family LIFE :) :D 

She cooked me dinner also (she don’t know much cooking, still we both were cutting vegetables and had our dinner)

Yes, next day when I starting for office I got offered for Bread and tea.

Sometimes, after a phone call she will simply fight, I am clueless why and for what? I can remember, she hasn’t fought when her father over call discussing about Gas Cylinder.

She mentioned that she needed the utensils which is given by her parents otherwise those will be used by my mom and sis. (It was two silver plates, two silver tumbler one silver vessel :D :( :) ).

I arranged a driver to take few items from hometown, asked driver to come Chennai as we planned to take remaining luggage’s of her from Chennai.

We have ordered fridge, washing machine over online. We had few conversations about future and finance as well. Meantime, I can remember she started fighting for something, I mentioned as like you missed your wallet when we went for Pondy my sister not had a wallet to pay that 8500 Rs. She fought for some time later I went with her to bus stop and she left for office, I was in leave. She messaged me in afternoon as sorry and I should go out and take lunch.    

Over these times, I never talked with her parents as well.

Once we reached Chennai on weekend to pick up rest of her belongings. I dropped her to her relative's house for refreshing and I went to my friend house. I got a call from my MIL, she was saying to me as her daughter is not happy, I should buy an AC as Bangalore is hot (Yes, it’s hot and it was May). I replied, yup I will manage.

I informed this to my Wife as her mother talked with me. Oh god, I never expected she started fighting for that saying how can you talk with my mom >>>> Again this time, different fighting strategy, she started beating me on the road, she don’t had money still she walking on the roads. I was following her saying at least, take money go wherever you wanted to go. She was fighting all over the road around three kms. Luckily one traveller on road stopped by and advised both. I arranged her relatives to take her. She broken my phone as well.

Love and Life :D :)

Night got a call from MIL, she mentioned that whatever my Wife did is wrong, and I should take her to Bangalore. I told her, all problems between us are because of you peoples only. I will take her if she really wanted to come, she should talk with me not you.

I got a call from my Wife, she apologized and mentioned that she fighting because of the Love she have on me L 

She told me that she loves me more than anything in this world, and she got spoiled because of her parent’s hatred towards me L. She told me that I am not giving priority to her instead I am giving priority for my family.

And she mentioned that even if I am not ready to accept her as Wife also, she is ready to stay in our Bangalore house as a third person. I tried explaining that both family (my family and her family) are ours we should not fight for chilly reasons and all and told her next day morning we should talk before we go Bangalore. But, she was out of her relatives house and standing with suitcase. I was forced to take her with me.

My Marriage Story --- Part 3

Starting of problems:

So all vacation got over and we started heading back to our work. I planned to drop my Wife in Chennai hostel by car and planned to back to Bangalore. When we travel it self, I was saying we should go to our relatives custom to meet and kind of collaboration after every marriage. She started saying my father instructed as not to go anywhere, I told her how still you are thinking and obeying for your father words, and we should plan some days to go around relatives houses. She started fighting and informed her parents as I torturing her in car. In middle of the road itself they were calling and talking for long time. First time, I felt something different as she fighting for no reason.  She was working in Chennai and I work in Bangalore. (She was started taking transfer to Bangalore also.)

We used to talk over phone and we were planning to manage our financials, my Wife mentioned to me as she can take care of home expense like rent, groceries with her salary, with my salary I will force close all my debts. Here would like to tell about my financials, I have around 8 lakhs of debt which started when my father was ill, of course I took loan for my marriage. All these I disclosed to Girls family before marriage with statements.

One Fine evening, I got a call from my MIL. She was inquiring about my sister marriage and asked why I rejected one proposal for my sister. I told her, I need some time as I don’t have sufficient money for another marriage arrangement. She started as my FIL worried about this and said already I have loans and how I can spend money for my sister marriage.

And she even said as example, if my Wife has one brother also, he won’t spend all the money for her.

And she mentioned that before this marriage itself she enquired with my sister and she have money and she is working she can handle her marriage on her own expense. *(So they had all the ground works before marriage, I was so dumb without noticing their intentions.) And I was explaining about my sister, as that they made arrangements for their  daughter, same way my father could have done arrangement for my sister, but he is not there so it’s my responsibility to take care of my sister in place of my father (This way every Indian family works out). And even mentioned I am not in any situation to run out of money, I can feed your daughter good (* Yes I have mentioned I enough have money to feed your daughter and I can get whatever she needs so you don’t wanted to worry about money now.) I mentioned if marriage is not so grand also I should plan for her marriage. MIL started saying so you are saying we have not did this marriage in grand manner?????

MIL started saying eating is not a life (Of course every people knows money for food is important in life) I should buy a house, I should buy a car as peoples in my age have own house like that.  

Then both FIL & MIL over the speaker discussing with me about this. FIL asking all about my finance (Which I informed before marriage also) had questions about my salary, my loans, my insurance and all. I told about my life insurance which I took in Kotak Old Mahindra Insurance which I found as good one with longer coverage.

Everyone who knows about indian insurance industry knows that most of insurance companies cover up to age of 55 max, some insurance covers in terms. I found insurance in Kotak covers up to the age of 69, so I went for that two years back for huge cover. My FIL asks why you went for Kotak why not LIC. You should close that and take policy with LIC. I told it’s not possible as it’s a term policy, if I close waste of money as I won’t get anything from current policy. Then he mentioned you might have took insurance for your sister as she is working over there. (My sister working in Kotak Bank, and she won’t get anything if I have a policy or if I pay premium regularly. Obviously I have one more savings policy which I took to meet her target when see faced crunch to meet target). And he advised me to sell out my shares to close my loans. *( I should mention here my share market holdings are my savings of life time, some of my good shares which I collected in bottom fishing).

I was replying saying shares which I holding are good one and I don’t wanted to sell it of at any time by now.

I was answering all diligently. And he mentioned that how I can ask my Wife salary *(So I came to know that she discussed with her dad about our financial planning), and I should not touch that salary. That she will save that for future. I also said, I never expecting any of her money neither your money. I can manage our life.

FIL started saying, why you think about spending money for your sister marriage, she not even ready to spent 8500 Rs for your marriage.

Yes, for my marriage, my sister arranged bridal makeup for my Wife and when settling she took money from my in-laws saying she don’t have purse as she wearing saree. (Note that, it’s not for my makeup, girl makeup cost) Even I said, she took from you people because she was wearing saree. FIL mentioned that he arranged marriage for his brother, now he is living with his In-laws and hearing their words.

MIL said that so whole family came to marriage without even having single money. I told don’t spit words and ended call.

But, they informed my Wife as I was fighting with them and not ready to hear their words. My Wife started fighting with me over phone.

I discussed with her uncle about the telephone conversations and he advised me not to worry about the things just try to convince my Wife on this.

I rushed to Chennai to make her understand and compromise. But, she fought with me supporting her parents saying they haven’t talked anything wrong and I should not spent money for my sister marriage.

And she instructed me to hear her parents words as they were elders and all. I even tried to explain as this is my responsibility. She never ready to agree / understand, and I mentioned so you married me only for money? She said yes. I made a comment as I can live without job and money. Money should be used for our happiness, we should earn money and spent for our happiness … etc.,

I messaged her as if you married only for money please give back the mangalyam and better we can for divorce at least I can pay my loan with that gold. *(Mangalyam, as a tradition and custom I bought her for some big money spending on it) And mentioned greedy family.

But, could not able to compromise I left there, and I tried to make a compromise in evening in a restaurant as I haven’t eat anything for past two days with lot of pressure and thinking over mind. When I eating, she got a call from her parents and she left the place.

Late in the evening, my mom got a call from In-laws as they wanted to kill me if her daughter becomes widow also fine. And FIL mentioned to my mom as he can send my mom, my sister and myself to Jail as Dowry Harassment Case. *( Yes, it’s really dowry harassment case, I don’t know when and where I demanded for money). Later to my Wife mentioned he talks in the love on you. I don’t care about those. 

My Marriage Story -- Part 2

Marriage Date and Starting of Life:

Before the marriage date itself, I don’t had a good talking with MIL. But the girl told me that she is in so much love with me and if they stop marriage also we can ran away and marry like that.  

I haven’t participated in any marriage arrangements as I am away working in Bangalore and thought its better they can arrange everything. I left it in their hands. Yes. They arranged all and I should accept its good arrangements. And I informed to take care of Tambula Bag, previous night to marriage day when none of my friends nearby, I used MIL school students to pack the tambula bag. I was questioned for that through girl. And same day evening reception time, when my brother not ready to come to stage I thought someone said something to him. I told to my Wife, seems someone told something to him. later found it’s from my relative side.  (* But later I got accused in fight, as I accused her mom for that. I never said who said what also, but I was accused as I tortured the girl in that matter)

Girl called me in midnight before marriage and cried as she was scolded (As I used MIL students to pack tambula bag, after marriage two three days also I got words for that incident). 

As I don’t have father my father brother did all rituals as a parent. But later only heard that my uncle not even greeted or talked by girl family on the marriage day, they know each other before as well. *(when girl fought with me desperately one day, i dropped her in home. that day only they again called my uncle to complaint about me). 

Another story, as my school friends who came for marriage met with accident after drinks that too with my car. *(Later now only came to know with this reason, girl father tried to cancel the marriage saying it’s not good sign to my mom. but crowd started coming into the hall, he hasn’t done anything)

When taking photographs, photographer asked to give lot of poses. When I keeping my hands on her, she was afraid and said FIL is looking take out the hands like. And, when photographer asked her to tie hands, she asked photographer why always girl should tie hands, why can’t me. So, somehow, marriage got over.

After marriage we went to Girl home, and we got arranged for a suite room in a hotel. We started our life. Next day morning, my Wife got call from her mother. And she was questioned as how was the experience with some intimate questions. She was answering everything. I warned my Wife, how come you can answer all these questions, don’t share everything. She told me that, her mother checking whether she is happy or not that’s why these questions and all. I never cared that, I almost forget that at all.

But, Next day MIL talked in double meaning as I am strong like  :P :( :) .

When we were on the way to register office to register the marriage, MIL talked as she could have chosen some better person for her daughter. That time my Wife was saying to her mother, why I got good person like. L L L :D

When we planned for a trip outside country, and we had a small function to change Mangalyaam, I have asked car to go to gold smith, he refused to give car, so we went by two wheeler and changed mangalyaam to gold. When we starting to airport, Girl made a comment to her mother as “going on flight; you never went into airport at all”. MIL went out of my home and not ready to participate on function at all. Initial plan is to drop us in airport, but MIL was not ready to come to airport and she simply got down in the road, so FIL also got down. Finally, we went to airport to catch a flight. In Airport, immigration officials was enquiring a lot and asked how to believe that you people got married, I have shown marriage invitation but again he was saying this can be printed by anyone. Then he talked with FIL and we got exit from Airport.

After we reached destination, I got a message saying that it’s FIL, how can you fight with MIL and I am doing something to separate the girl from her parents. (I don’t think that this message is from FIL as he never uses whatsup). In the trip, when I met with my friend over abroad just made a comment that girl father not even ready to give car. My Wife fought with me for that comment. *(But, later came to know that my friend whom we met got scolding message from my Wife in April 10^th for no reason, I never asked to her why did you do that to her, I thought she is in so much stress don’t want to make her guilty by asking this. Now thinking whether she is mentally not well? How come she can scold an unknown person for no reason, thank god she had only that friend number only JJ  )

Once we back to India, my mom told me that, MIL never talked after we left India, and she never attended phone calls also, so night when myself and my Wife going to movie I asked about this. She told me that her mom is not well so not talked. I asked again how come she has not talked to my mom alone. She talked with you when we were out also. (Even, once we reached india she was talking over phone to her mother long time.) Same day, I even told her I asked this with you only. Don’t share this with your mother at all. Next day we dropped MIL in her school and all, I never know anything. Once I reach my home my sister was fighting with me saying what I did wrong. As her mother talking about divorce. *(MIL talked with my sister about this, and told that seems not good it’s better to get divorce). But, my Wife seeing that understood that my sister fighting with me for something.

Starting of the life itself, they started talking about divorce. Even, my Wife talked as she needs divorce in small fight. Yes, I also replied in same way later when she fighting a lot. Somehow, our divorce decision also started growing along with our start of life. 

My Marriage Story -- Part 1

Updating my old marriage story post and splitting as Parts. Yes. It's still not met with END card.

I should narrate my story to understand my pain and situation. At least I wanted to drain out my memory on this, so writing this. And as per my knowledge all are true. Few I might have missed out (But TRUTH is always BITTER) everyone will have different view from their viewing angle. From my Opponent point of view all these might have lies. But, I know.... they know what happened actually.  I really don’t know why these all happened for me also. 

I should accept that I could have also made some mistakes. And all persons will have different thinking. I could have did something better, but past is past. Nothing can’t be changed at any time. 

God have better plan than what I planned.  All this story started with March 2016 and Ended by May 27. 

Still Story never met with END card. Happening.... Let’s hope for better ending for all.

About Me:

I am the only person who taking cares of Sister, Handicapped Brother and two mothers. Father expired two years back. Working and managing the family. Ultimately I could have married after my sister, but this family came through Matrimony Site and mentioned that your sister is our daughter we can together settle her. That time never knew they came by seeing my salary (*Later when lot of issues, Girl’s mother mentioned as they fall prey to that salary L L ) I think, further don’t need an introduction about myself as most of you people know me for years.

About the marriage proposal:

And my first contact in that family always started with MIL (Mother in Law). And I explained the entire story behind me and if you ok we can proceed. She said you are open and liked that you told all. And further proceeded as Horoscope matching. I took some of my relatives and nearby home peoples and went for girl seeing.

I have asked with the Girl, how she is comfortable with me whether she like me or not. Even my relatives also took confirmation from the girl. And elders started talking further. But no dates decided on that day (Dec 21^st 2015).

But after that MIL started forcing me as they were getting lot other profiles so we should at least arrange for function. So agreed and had a function as engagement.

After that when we talk about Marriage date, I informed MIL as needed a time to settle my sister marriage before my marriage. But she mentioned that your sister is another daughter for us. We can arrange her marriage.  And as per horoscope this marriage should happen at earliest.

Same day my Wife also got scolding by her mom as why you urging for marriage? Are you rushing for sex? My Wife cried and supporting her I talked with MIL and asked her to say sorry to your daughter, She refused to say sorry. 

About the Girl Family,

As far as I understood, it’s my view on the girl family.

MIL – she is arrogant and sensitive fighting desperately for all (small problems also). She is the power centre of that family (Seen that, when FIL started talking something in flower market, MIL turned back and simply shown her hand to shut up, FIL stopped his talking in half words). Dominant and having control over the family, never seen any human using bad words this much, so much bad words, so much lies, so badly twisting the things. 

FIL – Thought he is cool but later only found that he also part of family? Before marriage itself he mentioned as he doesn’t like me and my financial situation. Girl and girl’s mother are OK with me so he is proceeding with marriage.

I never thought when looking for marriage; need to check about the parent’s behaviour and their relationships with others. (I missed out this).

Girl – I realized in beginning itself she is immature; rather she brought up in that way. I thought I can manage her. She is good in studies and working. But, when I realized that she never had much friends and always don’t had good opinion about her small friend circle as well, I worried and made a conclusion that she brought up in that way. And not had good opinion on any of their relatives as well *(later only came to know the whole family doesn’t have any good relationship with any of their relatives. Wife’s big moms said they were fighting all the time and last few years only at least we are talking)  

Still, she was moving good with me only and told as she was tortured her mom all the time and I came to rescue her. :) :(  .. *(Later, they made a partnership and tortured me all the time)

Never knew she is depending on her parents so much. She used to say she wanted to be independent on all, but she never been independent on her thinking, her words also. Everything in her life is going by the dictation of her mother. After marriage she fought with me in many instances, I feel everything was instructed to her, including the words used by her in quarrels.  

Never ready to believe anyone other than her parents. Her parents fought with me and informing her that I fought with them, she was fighting with me for that. If I say this what happened, she never ready to trust. Never knew before marriage she will be so much childish / innocent, sharing everything with her mother. She is believing her mom and Dad blindly / or never ready to accept reality. I should accept that, she is the only girl and there is always some possessive love.

Before the Marriage:

Meantime, I and my Wife were in love (I thought) over the weekends we were meeting together and thought we were in love. 

We were talking a lot, even my Wife mentioned to me as How you are maintaining good relationship with my mother? She won't talk with anyone good, she advised me to talk cautiously with her mother. 

And she also mentioned that after this marriage her parents going to apply for divorce, she mentioned at least her father can be peaceful. I mentioned every family will have quarrels and fights. 

I never believed when my Wife told me about her mother. 

Some interesting stories to add over here, for engagement myself and my Wife planned for purchase in Chennai. I was working in Bangalore, she was working in Chennai. One weekend, we planned for purchase. I booked ticket for both from her hometown and informed everyone as I am going Chennai from my home town. But, actual was we both planned to travel together. From my hometown I am travelling to her hometown to catch the bus to Chennai. She was dropped in bus stand by her parents. And they were waiting to leave bus stand after that bus departs. But, she have an empty seat, It was a good memory that without knowing her parents I reached bus stand and caught bus.  On next day, we were roaming as a fresh love birds in Chennai. All the two months before marriage almost every weekends I was travelling to Chennai,

We were roaming like anything staring from Anjeneya Temple L to Mahabalipuram. I can say we stayed together in resorts before marriage, but nothing serious between us. We were waiting to start our life after marriage only. Feb 14, we were together in one of the resort and roaming the pool, my Wife got a call from her mother and she was advising her to control my spending’s and I have a plan to spent money for my brother after marriage (As I have a plan to open a big shop for him after I earn money, I was telling this idea to MIL earlier). I was hearing everything over speaker as well. But, My Wife reacted that time well to her mother as this and all ok *(Later after marriage same girl only fought with me as I should not spent money for my family). And they were fighting each other). I got a call from FIL asking why she is so much angry now-a-days. She should take her tablets on time, like. I knew my Wife taking tablets for her thyroid and anxiety (forced by her parents, she told me that she feeling good why should take these many tablets like).  

10 days before marriage had an argument with my MIL, I pointed out one instance as she talked differently before. She got angry and fighting a lot and asking me how can you inquire about me (when discussing with their relative I came to know that she talked different with me, actual was different). She fought lot that too with lot of bad words. I informed about that incident to my Wife, she said her mother is like that only leave aside *(But later I got accused that I have tortured her mother in this incident, I only knows how bad MIL fighted with me) . I made line on whatsup as "We can't bark back to dog in the same way" (I know its direct hit, but I got scolded by MIL that much and made a comment, my Wife messaged me that time as it's a good tagline ) 

Even FIL (Father In Law) mentioned as I should not point out MIL at any time, need to talk very cautiously. All these time, there is always some problem between the girl and MIL. I interfered supporting girl always. In a fight, MIL informing me about girl's  old love earlier (I know the story before itself) Girl told me that how a mother is ready to ruin own daughter life like saying this. After that incident, I felt I am being treated badly by MIL. I stopped talking with her made a Whatsup DP as "என்னை மதிக்கத்தவர்களை நானும் மதிப்பதில்லை, தலைக்கணம் இல்லை .தன்மானம் "  I got forced to change that DP. 

And, about dowry.

From beginning of this proposal, I was denying to get anything from them (As I had a strong belief as I can earn myself for my life and getting anything as dowry is not good). But, MIL was saying to show their prestige to their relatives so at least I should accept 40 grams of Gold. The girl asked me to take that gold. I agreed. (Later nothing was given, that’s different story). *(Later after marriage, sometime my Wife fought as I am expecting money and dowry that's why I am not ready to meet her parents)

To be Continued ....