My Marriage Story -- Part 8

Final Words,

I know, my In-laws tried to take myself into their control on all aspects. I got lot of hits from MIL.

But, few really don’t know why they did this much.

What they really wanted me to be? To be a same kind of family without any relationship?

As a third person I can able to realize how others thinking about that family? Even what opinion their relatives have them also, I know becoz I interacted with them as well? Why and what they tried to achieve all the time?

It’s her fate to be unhappy all the times. She never had been in her own mind. MIL twisted all the things and made her to hate me. (Now I feel that’s for my good, at least I need to get save myself, Even the incident MIL fought with me before marriage she twisted as I tortured her L My Wife sent complaints she have on me, As I am egoistic person, Psycho and I am not mentally well. ) She never ready to realize the reality. Before marriage when her mom said about her love to me she said my own mom is trying to destroy my life. But she never realized that now her own life got destroyed??? I feel all the times she taught to fight with me in these way (Becoz I know about her before marriage itself, she don’t know few words which she used in fights are taught by MIL?) / Or I judged that girl in wrong way? Of course I should agree, after all she is also from the same family. Why she is so much immature? This much arrogant and filthy will it help her in anyway? Is she never realized that she is doing too much? Hurting other person too much? So those words and talks about love and all acting? Before marriage MIL mentioned as due to my Wife behaviour only the whole family is maintaining distance from all the relatives. But, I can say who will be the actual reason behind that.  Is she is immature or arrogant? 

I was framed complaints as I twisted everything and told to their relatives? I am not good at twisting the words. (I know how much my MIL twisted the things, money she gave me for the washing machine what I purchased for their home, but she mentioned to everyone as she given money for our abroad spending, I can say lot of examples like this.) 

There is one more character in this story all the time FIL. Yes, he also fought with me in court premises. I said to judge as I thought to live with her but not anymore, when Girl said we are fighting all the time, rescue like. FIL and the Girl fighting in the court, as why I said to Judge as I thought to live.

Anyway, ALL IS GOOD for me. I am not deserved to get that Girl. Everyone wanted only happiness in life. If I am rich or poor I need to be smiled all the time. Without having much mental pressure.

At last I am trying to get out of the drainage which I fallen few months back.

Lessons Learnt,

·         Never judge the people by their talking (Before marriage I know how they behaved with me).

·         Never believe their words. I still feel it’s a power struggle. When my Wife moved close with me, 

·         MIL started the game (Who had control all the time?)

·         And once you face difficult situation with anyone, don’t think to make them right. They will never ready to change themselves.

·         Never move close with peoples who think money is the important.

·         Never talk truth with everyone, depends on the people you should talk less. Talking openly will get you into trouble.

·         Never pour love more than they deserve (Finally, you only going to get affected)

·         Be aware of people. When people never ready to believe will never good for any relationship.

·         Don’t talk openly with anyone unless until they are in your safe zone circle.

·         Reacting through social media made more issues.

·         Don’t feel pity for others when you are affected by them.

·         Enquire about peoples before getting into serious relationships.

·         All the time it’s better to be bold and be on your own. Never leave the loyalty and your actual character.

Mistakes I made,

·         Never enquired about the family before marriage

·         When I get mistreated before marriage itself I could have get escaped (I was worried about the girl, and thought I should not disappoint her).

·         I haven’t shown my love to my Wife? (I feel I haven’t shown my love to her like appreciating her? But, it’s really difficult to satisfy her when she is not on her own mind. When they always try to dominate)

·         When I get problems, I talked with their relatives? (But don’t know who are actually supporting actually making fun of the happenings)

·         Talking with her friend? (But, her friend got disturbed by MIL and talked with me, still I could have not talked with her without knowing about her).

·         After getting this much problem still have some soft corner towards my Wife ??? (Is it called Love ?)

My Marriage Story -- Part 7

Things I took to solve and get back my life

All these time, I was writing mails to my Wife about the things going on as Take Care Series (Take Care 1 – Take Care 11 Mails) (I could not able to point her and her parents as well) Wrote all mails with caution and tried to make her understand about life. But, later only came to know that all the mails she forwarded to her mom. Don’t know whether she read those or not.

I never ready to lose my dignity to talk with her parents may be this time I can talk with them but whole life time I will lose my dignity and don’t wanted to become slave, but seems she got forced to bring myself to her home. So she used to fight a lot over whatsup (bad words as well). I took the matter to her relatives saying all these are happened, ask them to come for a discussion. (Before also accidently, talked with one of her aunty. She advised me to adjust her. She affected by their parents fighting behavior).

All my actions made them angrier. They were never ready to for a discussion, When I went to her relatives made them more angrier.

Meantime, my Wife started as she wanted a divorce. I mentioned to her relatives, if her parents not coming also, ask her what’s the problem why she needed divorce. Incase if she wanted divorce also I am ready for that, but ask them to stop accusing me (What dowry I demanded? What money I requested etc.,) her relatives stated that girl itself asking for divorce so you could have done something.

Final Hit I got

So, finally I went back to MIL (without no other option) saying divorce decision might not be by my Wife. Seems you forcing her for divorce. She mentioned that she don’t think about divorce at all. I mentioned it might not be decided by her because she came to our Bangalore house two weeks back also. MIL refused and said my Wife met me only over public places. She never visited home. Then I mentioned she came we had sex (Its wrong word I used when talking with elders, that to her mom behaviour I know already) and all and she might have informed her daughter as I talked in this way.

Finally, I got named as impotent. I have seen the real face of MIL (even low people won’t talk that much bad words, she talked in such a manner). And my Wife sent mail to me showing Wikipedia image (about ED), She was so much dictating her mom words (That mail which she sent is forwarded  which is sent by her mom to my Wife).

That was worst hit I got in my life (Yes, it happened once when my Wife came to my home in bangalore. I could not able to make sex with her when she said her leg is paining , think I sentimentally weak towards her and become unable  even that time she made a fun of me you can’t able to do this also, I told her I will get trained before you come back to me on Feb 2017, and all over the time I am mentally stressed as well)).

MIL started calling me and using lot of vulgar words, and she started challenging me to get medical report (I never wanted to prove myself towards them. But I mentally got hit this time and undergone medical tests. I thought not to share those with them. But when I got continuous calls from MIL I shared with my Wife through mail. For that also they said its forgery document, we have medical reports for our daughter as she is still virgin. :P L)

And all the time I got threatened as dowry harassment case, police, etc., In final stages I got threatened as they can file a case as I cheated them as I know about my impotency before my marriage. Even my mom and sister got threatened as dowry harassment case.

Again they fought as I am not ready for divorce. I clearly mentioned many times to them I never ready to live this kind of life., I always ready for divorce. And now divorce case going on.

My Marriage Story - Part 6

Her Hostel days and her fighting’s further.

I informed her at least asks her father to talk with me. She said will inform. Next day, she messaged as her father never ready to talk with me and I should come and talk with her parents. I said, ok will do in sometime.

But, She started fighting same day evening as her parents are not done anything I am simply accusing them. (I can able to judge, she talked with her mom and she got brain washed). Same day, I asked her to come out the hostel for dinner. She started saying she is afraid of seeing me as I am accusing her parents. I tried a lot to talk with her.

Then after two days, we met in a restaurant. She started as my sister having 7 Lacs as savings, let her do her marriage with her money. I have tried to explain her, how that’s possible? My sister working for last 2+ years, she stayed in hostel, and she was repaying her educational loans. (Even her whole salary also won’t exceed 7 lacs.). My Wife doesn’t say anything. She said, as her parents won’t get pension and she wanted to save her salary. (Same girl previously was planning as house rent and groceries with her salary and with my salary I will force close my loans.*Later only came to know that, she was advised by her parents as with her salary if we spent, my salary I will use for my sister marriage). And she said, her parents seen horoscope and she will not come to my home until 2017 Feb. I asked whether you went, we can go to any astrologer and see who will say that until 2017 Feb. She said OK we can go on weekend. But, next day she messaging as she don’t wanted to see astrologer as her parents already seen. (I can judge, her parents are not ready to have a discussion).

I left there itself, and said ok will see. Meantime, I got some visa processing in my office and told her as we need to travel by October. She said, if we go onsite, I will work she can’t earn anything. She wanted to earn money. (Same girl before marriage mentioned to me as she wanted to leave job and take care of me, I told her it’s her wish moreover if she stay in home it be bored). I can understand, she is getting instructed in every matter.

Then one fine day, she messaged as she wanted to live with me and I should change. I went to home from office and we met in our own home. (After a month, she came home). I told her, she should control her anger. She also agreed and I asked what I wanted to change. She told that I should stop smoking. I said, yes. But now you people giving me a lot of mental pressure. I will stop.   

Again next day, she messaged as she is going home and she wanted me also with her to her meet her parents. I told her, I am not ready to meet her parents as I am not getting any respect. மதியதோர் வாசல் மிதியாதே. And, as of now she is not wearing even Mangalyam, once she tie tali I am ready to meet her parents as son-in-law. So, ask them to come for discussion.

Once she is back from home, she messaged as I won’t get educated, working girl like her. I told her, if you think in that way. You never wanted to come to my life. Then next day, she started fighting as I am expecting money from her parents to accomplish my sister marriage, that’s why I am not ready to meet her parents and wanted a discussion. (I can understand all her words are instructed by her mom). She mentioned as I am looking for dowry. I really got pissed off with her words and made comments into FB about Dowry Harassment Case Section 497 falsely used by many peoples(as law gender discrimination). One of her friend called me up previously and asking whats going on why MIL looking for her no and other person no (That’s different story, in my Wife college time some love story). I told her all the story and mentioned why you are into picture don’t know. And mentioned that I asked my Wife to not to talk with your Ex-Lover (as that was different story not necessary over here). Her friend forced and asking why it is so? (So I mentioned the reason behind that to her, recently came to know that this matter, her friend discussed with my Wife and made her angry more. I accept I really made a mistake over here.). And messaging her friend in FB out of frustration and told that her parents was talking all like this, now she also started saying this.

I messaged my Wife asking for my cloths and my things which is in her home; I don’t want those urgently like passport. (Yes, Of course I pointed out her).

Later, again she wanted to meet me and we met in our home and she said she talked wrongly as dowry and all. When she is home, she wanted to cook. I told we can go to restaurant. In restaurant I told her that one of her friend called me and talked with over phone. And told I talked with her on Facebook. She asked her friend over whatsup same time as what we discussed. Her friend given my message about dowry harassment case with screen shots. She started fighting in restaurant. I tried to explain her. She started threatening me as she is going to call her mother. I left her. Then next week she messaged as whether I am Man? Why I am not discussing with her parents. I simply replied with same her message as whether her father is a man? (I intentionally did, all the time when she talks bad words, I thought to pointed her how it will hurt, she started calling me continuously and scolding with lot of bad words.) My mother is second wife to my father. She said Vaipatti paiyan unakke evlo thimiru na? Enga appa en unkita pesanumnu.

Then week later, I talked with her uncle and we were group of peoples(My mom and nearby home peoples, those are the people was there with me from the beginning of this proposal and marriage) went to meet her Uncle.

Her uncle talked in the way as she wanted divorce. Elder people who came with me saying as their parents intervening in our life a lot. Her uncle started as I beaten her and tried to lock her in room. I told them whether I am supposed to let her run in the mid-night. Then lot of discussion and her uncle started saying if she is looking for divorce what we can do. Everyone who came with me, asked to bring her parents for discussion. I told at least bring her we can check why she wanted divorce. Her uncle said, her parents not ready for discussion, she wanted divorce why can’t I give divorce to her.  I told right I am ready to give divorce at least make her mom to stop talking with my relatives as I am looking for dowry (all the time, some or other day her mom talking with my relatives saying I am torturing her for dowry). At least ask her mom, what Dowry I was asking for and when? I really forgot.

Humanity

Real Humanity:

Yes, seen a real humanity. 

Due to doctor appointment I was travelling to Chennai from Bangalore. All knows due to ongoing bangalore issues. No straight bus to bangalore. Took the bus to Attible (Karnataka Border), and crossed the border by walk. Lot of police in border both sides. 

It's really like entering into another country.  I have seen these kind of border crossing by walk in Indo-Nepal Border. So somehow, reached bangalore next day and walking from Nandanam Arts College to R.A. Puram (about 2 Kms, as no straight bus). 

Stopped into one Sugar Cane Juice shop, the shopkeeper was preparing juice in the machine. 

Suddenly heard a sound. When looking back, a middle aged man, fallen into road from Bike. But, his bad luck he fallen into road after hitting road divider. He really got hit in his head by divider and started bleeding. He got fits as well. All over his body is shaking. He was riding KA Scooter. 

So, people started gathering and helping him with Steel to stop his fits and one person teared his Dhoti to cover his bleeding wound. 

Sugar cane shop keeper stopped the squeezing machine, and started praying GOD.  He completely praying god for accident person.

Meantime, police from near by signal rushed and informed ambulance. At least his fits stopped, only bleeding from his head. Finally, ambulance reached spot he taken into hospital.

All over this incident, I have really seen humanity with almost everyone.

I could remember one incident, two years back when I was sitting behind my friend. One old man crossed road without looking road. My friend tried to stop the bike. But finally fallen into road. I got bleeding in forehead. No one in the road came near by. I was simply walking into road looking for hospital with bleeding all over the shirt. 

My Marriage Story -- Part 5

Final DAY – 5^th day as a family;

So we travelled back to Bangalore taking all luggage’s, over the travel itself she mentioned that she over reacted and wanted to take me into hospital (for my wounds which I got from her previous day). I thought it will get solved, over the period she will realize about family.

But, Actual happened again. Once we reached Bangalore house, I was arranging all the things into home. Took out the things which came from my home (My sister returned gifts which we brought for her from our abroad trip, as she got scolded by my Wife, even she got scolded by MIL saying because of her only lot of issues between us and she ruining her daughter life like.). My Wife got into disparate fight again started beating me a lot (I tried to control her, and made her to sit down calm first by pushing her *For this I got from her mother as I beaten her, even she also said as I beaten her). She started running outside of home; It was two story building she rolling off in stairs and start running into streets. I taken her mobile because whenever she fights she used to call her parents and informing as I am fighting (Previous day only I lost one mobile, which is broken by her). All this happening in mid night. And my friend who drove the car from hometown to all over to Bangalore also with me. I am running behind her without even wearing shirt and asked my friend to bring shirt and informed her mother. She mentioned that she is taking some medicines due to that it’s happening. But my Wife talked with her mother from some person mobile on road saying I beaten her. She fought a lot throwing mangalyam on Road, somehow I taken her back to home and tried to lock her in room. She started screaming as HELP. Meantime MIL called me and talked a lot (lot of bad words, and she complained to Police and police on the way like).

Finally, packed every luggage of her and decided to drop her to her parents’ home.

Drove all over the night and dropped her, not talked with her parents as well. Went to her Grandparents, and explaining this is what happening.

Shocking Facts:

By her grandparents only I came to know, her parents not having any good relationship with any of their relatives. Even they won’t talk to her grandparents for last 10+ yrs. I was advised by her relatives as she brought up in the way all the time her parents fights each other which affected her. I also know this because she even mentioned about this before marriage (about her mom, and her parents’ divorce decision and all). I thought I could manage, because I married her and I had lot of love on her.

Meantime, MIL started talking with my relatives as I am torturing her daughter for dowry. I beaten her after drinking (I really, don’t know how I could drop her by driving car if I was drunk). And lot of allegations, seems my Wife only complained about me as I am not shaving, I am not flushing the toilet after use (she stayed in Bangalore house for 4 days only). I used to drink daily. (I can say, I drank first day when settling house even she told me that you are tired take beer).  And I forced my Wife to drink.(Howz that is she is kid I tied her and poured beer ?)  I Smoke a lot (Of course, I was smoking more than usual and really not able to understand what’s going behind, *Later only found all are instructed by her mother all the time, she was in lot of stress as she is in struggle between me and her parents as well). Lot of scenes created by her mom to my relatives. My uncle talked with them to have a discussion, FIL said will have it in sometime. MIL said no we don’t want to have any discussion at all.

Her Hostel days and her fighting’s further.

I got a message as I wanted to return her passport and other things to courier. I did couriered her passport. I got a message from her as thanks for the passport. I never talked with her or her parents all over the time. Once I tried to call her father, my Wife took the phone and said he is not going to talk with me and they are on the way to temple to pray for us. Later I got message from her mom as she wanted to talk, I told I am not ready to talk with her. I wanted to talk with my Wife’s father. She told, they plan to join my Wife to Hostel, that time I can meet him on Bangalore.

Some weekend, I fallen into road when it’s raining from bike. Went to hospital and get stitching. My mom and nearby home people started saying as my wife should tie tali. I messaged her saying I fallen and into hospital and asked her to tie at least tali with turmeric. She never replied for 1 day and then she replied as she wanted to get tied by me.

But, they joined her into hostel few streets away from where we took house. I even not aware of that. After 2 days I came to know that she is in Bangalore. As her mother called me and I never wanted to talk. I messaged my Wife as well, I never wanted to talk with your mom, ask to stop calling me.

She never ready to talk with me after she reached Bangalore. One Saturday, I messaged her to take her remaining things(specs, makeup items etc.,). She came nearby home and I returned her things (We haven’t talked even single word). Next day she messaged as why I am not talking with her. I told, OK will go out for day. She came out to bus stop, we took bus simply and roaming in bus and not talked anything about old things. We went to one of my sister (My Chithappa daughter) hostel. We three people roaming in mall and went to movie. Later in evening, When she leaving, she asked why you not talking anything about issues. I told her, all the issues including spending money for my sister marriage, her mom as dowry matter and told her they are not even giving me single respect. She apologised for her behaviour and told she don’t even know why she behaved in such way. And she agreed that her parents are not treating me good. And she mentioned if it was her she will forgot everything and talks like. (But, she never talked with my mom any time after we left home after marriage for around 2 months, even her parents. She was mentioning as old people they will talk later like).

I said, I am ready to talk but before that we should have a discussion with everyone including her relatives and my relatives as I don’t wanted this to repeat again. Because I know all the time she is fighting because of her mother. And fighting by her father words in money matters.